How do we break it? There are two types of dependence.
Natural dependence and Un- natural dependence
We live on planet earth a planet that sustains life both human and organic, we are dependent on mother earth and we call her mother as her role is to sustain and nurture life. She naturally provides us with water and organic life forms so that we may live. She provides us with the air that we breathe so we live. We are dependent on her for this life giving energy. This is natural dependence
Before industrialisation and modernisation we lived in unhealthy and unsanitary conditions and then time and evolution brought changes to improve our living conditions and we became dependent on living in healthy sanitary conditions. Whilst manmade this is a natural evolving dependence.
What makes it become un- natural, is when it evolves into us needing to work harder and longer for more of what we already have, that naturally provides for us. Because we believe more, bigger and better is good for us.
We lose sight of the natural flow of life and energy and become dependent on external forces and factors to bring joy and happiness. This in turn evolves into more unhealthy living as we develop physical, mental and emotional dis-ease due to the unnatural dependence of relying on external factors to provide us with the sense of happiness we seek.
Natural dependency in relationships begins when we are born. We are naturally reliant on our parents to provide for us. We cry when we are hungry or require nurturing in some way and our parents provide the sustenance, warmth, security and comfort we crave. This is all natural dependence. As we grow this natural dependence is still a need for the toddler, child and adolescent and even the young adult to have in their life, so they learn to understand the natural boundaries and healthy attitudes to have around relationship with self and others. This natural dependency will change or alter when these boundaries or attitudes become changed, challenged or distorted in ways that will have a detrimental effect on their personal growth.
These life events then lead to an unnatural dependence on others to provide for their happiness in life. To seek co-dependent relationships, forgetting to honour the self by meeting their own needs in their own way. In co-dependent relationships this is with a partner, friend, peer group or family members we live to receive gratification, acceptance love and a need to be needed by others. When we do not receive from them what we believe they should be giving us to make us happy, we blame them for what is wrong in our lives. We become unhappy and lose ourselves in dysfunction and dis-ease.
We need to let go of un-natural dependence and return to the flow of natural dependence that is within all of us, to return to self, to find the soul within us, the inner goddess that enable us to stand in our own power and to respond to the spirit the energy, the divine spark that we all have at the core of our being. To become the whole spiritual being we are. To be mind, body and spirit
How is this done?
For each one of us that journey will be unique and individual that is not to say you will not meet others who will have had the same or similar experiences. It begins with the first step when you hear that clear quiet voice within asking the age old question, who am I? Why am I here?
You may for a while choose to ignore these questions and carry on as you are and that is fine, walking the dysfunctional path, hoping that others or other things will make you happy, trying for the countless time the next different diet, looking for the next job that will make you happy, make your life better, earn you more money. Until one day you stop and that clear quiet voice is not so quiet, in fact it is a little louder a little more persistent or a significant life changing event takes place that you can no longer ignore it anymore.
You sit up and take notice and you do not know how or why but today you have to do something, today you listen and it begins, the synchronicities, the doors of opportunity open that begin to take you on a different life path. You meet other people like you, seeking, asking questions, looking for the answer to that age old question and you realise you are not alone on this journey. You begin to read self-help books, spiritual books and many others. Slowly over time you begin to realise that your life is changing for the better, it is not without its painful moments as you strip away the more painful parts of your life letting go of people places and material goods that you thought you could not live without.
It is almost as if you have to strip bare all that you have ever had or have known, to hit rock bottom before you can begin again. For some this may be deeply personal and extremely painful. But from each painful experience we grow stronger and we find that inner strength that allows us to be dependent on our self and no one else. You learn that you can stand alone and find the happiness within yourself to move forward.
My own unique experience was to lose my husband at the age of 34 and have two young sons to raise without a father. I became dependent on others for my strength and happiness, I sought love from external sources. I became a workaholic and believed money would fill the emptiness that his loss had left behind. I believed the money would buy the happiness we deserved and would compensate my sons for the loss of their father. During this period I was guided to study crystals, colour therapy, energy and other holistic therapies in the belief this would give me another place to work so that I could leave the job that made me unhappy. Instead what took place was that despite the angels, that voice of inspiration knocking at my door, I chose to ignore it and them, remaining un-naturally dependent on external forces to guide and dictate my happiness of lack of it.
Until a few years later I lost everything material that I owned in a bankruptcy, my sons were now teenagers and I had lost them their home, I could have blamed others, I could have railed at the universe but deep down I realised that this was my choice. “It was my foot on the accelerator pedal of life and I had chosen to press it.” (Susie Ockendon).Despite all of this I maintained my belief that there was more to this, that I was here for a purpose, yet unseen. I realised that I had been so dependent on others to make me happy that I had forgotten to make myself happy, forgotten to listen to the guidance I had been receiving. So this time I listened, I truly listened to that voice inside and I began my own personal journey of self -discovery and self –love, I listened to the guidance and inspiration from the angelic realms, realms of spirit and the divine and I began to understand that being dependent on external forces and influences does not make you happy or joyful.
That all of that is within you!
My guidance led me to meditation and within this I was able to hear my own inner voice showing me the way forward.
How do we let go of un-natural dependence?
You begin by trusting yourself, by listening to the guidance you receive.
How do you know if the guidance is correct?
It will feel right, it will be positive and constructive.
To understand your feelings you need to be aware of your body’s energy system and how it feels in its calm natural state.
A Guided Visualisation.
To sense your Energy Field.
Sit undisturbed in a warm comfortable environment.
Take a few moments to centre your breathing, focus your breath into the centre of your chest, feel it flowing in and out.
Move the breath to your abdomen, feel it flow in and out.
Bring your hands to your heart centre, palms together with your thumbs level with your heart.
Focus your breath into your arms and feel it flow to your palms.
Continue with this until you feel the energy between the palms of your hands.
Place one hand on your abdomen .
Place one hand on your heart .
Feel the energy flowing into your heart and body.
Sense how it feels, how it makes you feel.
Think of a happy memory, a memory that fills you with joy, makes you smile, sense how this makes the energy in your body feel. Hold this feeling, the energy of peace, joy and happiness within.
Know that you can return to this energy any time and in an instant.
Now for a moment remove your hands and think of an experience that made you feel sad, unhappy or upset.
Sense where in your body it sits, how it feels, notice the difference between this and the happy feeling.
Now return your hands to your heart and abdomen, feel the love and warmth flow into your body and energy.
Take a few deep breaths. When you receive inspiration from the angels, your higher self or the divine source it will always have the sense of the peace and love you felt with your happy memory.