Valentines Day is looming, and you know that everyone around you including friends and family have partners, and their going to be telling you what they’ve received from their partners. The problem is you’re single; you have no partner and feel low in confidence and self esteem. Don’t worry I’m going to help you get through this month of love, flowers, chocolates and cupids.
(No I can’t send you all Valentines presents and gifts,) but what I can do for you is to help you feel better about your self during this time.
Let’s look at the bigger picture, is it only this time of year that you feel unloved and lonely. Apart from Christmas and maybe your birthday it probably is. You need to ask yourself how you feel for the rest of the year, if you go on holidays with your friends, for nights out or fancy having a quiet one on your own, are you that bothered about not having a partner? If the answer is no, then quite simply soldier on through these small occasions throughout the year and enjoy single life.
If the answer is yes and you would like a partner but feel low about yourself, then let’s get you on the right track and in the right mindset.
Low confidence and self esteem are usually bought on from within us, whether a certain situation made you feel low or someone keeps telling you that you’re useless or rubbish at things, either way it can be harmful and make us all feel very depressed.
Start to weigh up the pros and cons of being in a relationship.
1. Start to look at the bigger picture in life, do you really need a partner
2. Are there things that you want to achieve like travelling, parachuting, running a marathon? Having a partner can sometimes hinder your goals in life.
3. Are you ready for a partner? Do you want some messy person in your life or even a control freak? There’s plenty out there…..
4. Is it because it’s just the time of year where everyone is celebrating and maybe you feel a little bit left out. This is what friends are for; a good friend will spot this and involve you more within their activities.
You still want a partner but have no confidence, what I’m going to say applies to men and women, but just put it into the concept that fits for you depending on your sex.
You need to start loving yourself and feeling good from within, if you’re a little over weight then maybe get yourself into some sort of exercise routine. If you don’t want to join a class start to brisk walk or even jog, you will feel better and this will also help you lose the weight. If you don’t eat good food then start, this is your life and a way to make you start loving yourself from within.
Look at your wardrobe; do you dress like a tramp, dowdy mum or even a mummy’s boy?
If your clothes are bad, try and get some nice ones, you don’t have to spend a fortune a lot of the high street supermarkets sell good clothes very cheaply.
Ladies go and treat yourself at a spa, take a friend and make a day out of it; it will boost your confidence and make you feel good about yourself. Men you can either do the same or go for a swim or run, something you like to do that makes you feel good.
Look in the mirror does your hair look like Worzel Gummidges arm pit, please get it sorted. Men wash your hair and have it cut to a good style; ladies spoil yourself and have half a day at a salon. Everyone feels better about themselves when they have a hair cut.
Now that we have all the formalities out of the way, I have some instructions that I want you to follow to help increase your confidence and self esteem.
Here are a few hints and tips to show that you can be STRONG, CONFIDENT and POSITIVE.
1. Find some nice relaxing music to play and give your self half an hour free time to complete this.
2. I want you to lie down or sit in a comfortable chair
3. Close your eyes and let the music start to surround your body, get relaxed and allow your mind to switch off.
4. When your feeling very relaxed, I want you to think back to a time where someone made you feel bad about yourself, if it was someone putting you down or just being nasty. As you see them in your mind and start to relive this experience, I want you to see the event going backwards from the end to the beginning, so that you can see them undo the event as opposed to making it happen. But why this is happening I want you to notice that they have a stupid voice, and that all of a sudden there head has turned into a stupid cartoon character. Just make it as silly as you want so that it’s just more of a comical event than a harmful one.
See yourself laughing at them as they turn into a crab sandwich or a giant dog turd that can talk. Make it as vivid as you want but take away their strength make this your time see yourself looking smart in nice clothes a decent haircut and feeling positive about yourself.
I want you to apply this to any event that has knocked your confidence in the past; it’s a valuable tool to help you in life and can also get you away from the day to day stress that can cause low self esteem and confidence issues.
Just remember Valentines Day is one day where people (supposedly) show their love, I believe we shouldn’t need to have a special day to do this. You should start by loving yourself in a way that is not narcissistic but in a way that helps you be human and grow in confidence. Once you find that love from within then you can find that partner to share it with.
Never look desperate for a partner you will attract the wrong one, look good, feel good, and smell good and at that certain moment they will come to you when the time is right. Keep doing the above exercise that I told you about and this will help you lose a lot of self doubt. Remember make it funny and stupid and it will be a part of your life that was funny and stupid.
If you’re on your own Valentines Day, does it matter it’s just one more day…........
© Paul Alland 2012