“You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world…but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
Many of us carry in our hearts a heavy burden of past hurts from others.
Because we live our lives in relationship with other people, we are bound to be wronged by somebody along the way and sometimes these hurts can be very deep and heavy when they come from someone close.
Stopping someone from hurting you when they don’t care about your feelings is difficult because you can’t control what they do to you.
All of us have different thoughts, feelings and ideas formed into opinions.
Not caring about your feelings will already hurt, but there are other sides to look at and it’s a challenge that you can learn and grow from.
If someone doesn’t care about your feelings, you don’t need to care about what they think of you as it’s a simple matter of mutual respect.
Your experience of someone who has hurt you, however painful, is now nothing more than that, a thought or feeling that you carry around.
These thoughts of resentment, anger, and hatred represent slow, debilitating energies that will dis-empower you if you continue to let these thoughts occupy space in your head.
To hang on to hurt or anger is destructive to our emotional, spiritual, physical and relational health.
It drains your energy, strains your relationships, and steals the joy from your life.
As long as you live your life in relationship with others, you are going to be wronged.
You can’t be responsible for other peoples actions or words but you can accept that you have the choice on how you accept and react to them.
Accept the fact that nobody is perfect because we don’t live in a perfect world.
Perfection is an objective that has never and will never be accomplished in this world.
Although perfectionists like to believe they’re pursuing a lofty ideal, in reality, they’re only trying to feel more secure and less vulnerable.
Perfectionists are far from productive, as they hesitate to take action for fear of failure
They may have all the trappings of productivity – high engagement with the task, hyper-organisation to ensure that nothing gets overlooked, and constant chattering with others about how well they are doing.
But what’s really going on inside?
Stress, high expectations of themselves and others, and anger that the outcomes of all their hard work don’t quite meet their standards.
People around them don’t stand a chance.
We have heard the old saying throughout our whole lives: “Nobody’s perfect.”
And it’s true!
But somehow perfectionists believe they are immune to this truth.
The world does not expect you to be perfect, and neither should you.
Accept others for just who they are.
You cannot control them so just give them permission to be who they are.
This does not mean you have to like every characteristic that they have, it simply means that you accept that they are the way they are.
This applies to yourself as well.
Life doesn’t come with convenient signposts letting us know which is the path to happiness and which is the path to misery, so we’re stuck taking blind gambles.
Sometimes we choose well and sometimes we don’t.
Sometimes we have chances to change mistaken choices we’ve made and again sometimes we don’t.
We all act thoughtlessly at times and most often we don’t mean to hurt each other, we just don’t recognise or remember how to stop hurting ourselves.
Grant yourself permission to like the real you and only in doing this can we begin to take the daily actions to bring about real change in your thoughts , actions and beliefs.
But we have to like and forgive ourselves our first.
Forgiving yourself is far more challenging than forgiving someone else because you must live with yourself and your thoughts 24/7.
Forgiving ourselves does not mean that we condone our someone’s behaviour and it does not mean that we allow others to keep hurting us.
To forgive means to give up all resentment and the desire to punish the other person.
In our heart, it means we’ve cancelled the debt you feel others owe you.