Relationships are extremely important in life, but life in the relationship is equally important. If you tend to fail in understanding this, there is a complete chance that you will be held up in a dead relationship. Although every relationship passes through ups and downs, the frequency and impact of this have a greater impact in a couple’s relationship. If you are part of a couple in distress, you may feel that there is no way out of your troubled relationship with a hopeless prospect.
Once upon a time marriage was forever, and commitment attached with it ended with the last breath of the individual. However, with passing days, everyone has been empowered with financial and technological advancement and attained freedom at each level gradually. And this has affected relationships adversely, especially a couple’s relationship in the form of marriage. New-age independence has made divorce no longer an alien act or a feared phenomenon.
When division is seen in every bit and realm, marriage is not only on the verge of breaking up, but also it’s under assault where troubled marriages are often attached to a social stigma too. Couples are suggested to undergo counselling at the slightest hint of disturbance. And if their close proximity and harmony can be restored then success of marriage can be seen otherwise, for taking it further few rules can be of utmost help.
You may never feel the need for any rules if your relationship is in synchrony with each other and if it is not then some rules are a must in order to keep consistent momentum and pace. There are some must have traits of a successful marriage:
Mutual respect is one of the cornerstones of all successful marriages and the integrity of the marriage as an institution remains intact. Although they say a man acts according to the respect given by his counterpart whereas a woman responds to the love received by her partner, it’s equally true and easily perceptible that it’s difficult to feel love towards someone who doesn’t respect. Through discipline, one can show love, but without the essence.
Respect is always earned; it cannot be given as a favour. Your social acceptance and respect gets projected in your relationship too. So a female partner needs to contribute in the male-dominated society by various ways, financial independence is one of the ways. One should think seriously when one partner consistently feels dismissed, rejected, and condescended in bad place.
If you don’t understand how to respect, at least be aware of how you could lose it. The fastest way to lose respect is by allowing someone to treat you badly, such as with verbal abuse, physical abuse, or threats.
Knowing each other intimately through being well versed with each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes and dreams bring couples closer passionately, which we only find in a true friendship. When we have true friendships, we endure a lot more to keep those relationships, and as a result they are more resilient. Even words of Friedrich Nietzsche are pertinent in this regard, ‘It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.’ If you accept your partner as a friend, which is implied, and expected from both sides, few of the qualities will seep into you, like- being-natural, forgiving, gracious, sacrificial, fun loving, safeguarding and calculative; for carrying a relationship for a long way.
This quality in a relationship can be achieved by following simple things; Such as spending time together, giving gifts, serving one another, offering encouragement, and being affectionate. Indulge in friendly conversation without bringing self (ego) in which will enhance the positive sentiment and will bring happiness. The key to a successful marriage is laughing with your partner.
When your relationship is sailing smooth sex gets undermined, but if you as a couple are passing through rough patches, then sex plays a pivotal role. Marriage is the true union of compliments. So besides being complete on a biological level, the essence of carnal desire on the level of spirit should be validated too. This basic instinct that enlivens up to the optimum is vulnerable to temptation. One should not force the other for fulfilling one’s animal instinct or desire but certainly one can arouse each other biologically in a heart-warming manner as the act.
The work of developing intimacy starts after the honeymoon gets over. For living happily ever after, this period of honeymoon or quintessence should be extended. Eventually, if the relationship survives, the couple develops a style of intimacy that works for them. And while your relationship lasts for a while, your lovemaking changes so allow your energy to subside for growth, which deepens as your partnership does. Couples who develop a sexual repertoire which includes a variety of habits, attitudes and options report feeling more satisfied and freedom to express their love with enough variety that they never get bored.
There are certain tips, which will be very helpful on the circumstantial basis if one fails to understand and in imbibing the above context.
Modus Vivendi: There should be an arrangement for settling the conflict and in a relationship, this is a compromise. Every individual has their own identity and thought patterns so if one is not convinced with the other’s projection, keep the compromise on-going in this give and take relationship
Argument for betterment: After a marriage you eventually realize that two different people are living together and this is the start of arguing over differences. So prepare yourself for a better argument rather extending it on petty issues. Save your energy for a discussion over finances, career or a child’s future rather fighting over towel & shower issues.
Forget & forgive: Every human being is susceptible to mistakes. So a husband and a wife will also commit mistakes. Forgive each other for your mistakes as much as you can. And taking out that unwanted baggage from your memory will also be helpful in keeping your happy married life on track.
Communicate: Talk out your thoughts and concerns before your suppressed feelings come out during an argument. A relationship does not die by the brutality of a sword, but due to the expression of improper or negative thoughts in a moment of frustration and during an argument. So don’t wait for that time and openly and honestly communicate your needs and feelings to one another. Couples must find a way to communicate regularly, openly, and directly.
Learn the importance of trust and honesty: Your partner is the one person you want to depend upon in the long-term, without question or doubt. And no one wants an untrustworthy and a dishonest person to deal with so always maintain trust and honest decorum.
The need for each other is important: People get annoyed when the in-love feelings made them to sacrifice each time. So in loving one another, one should never undermine one’s needs, as in the long term, it will shape up in revenge.
Little things: More often than not it is the piled up little things that create havoc and at the same time it is little things that bring happiness. So never ignore that little indication of your partner in achieving big. Don’t be ignorant be tolerant.
Praise the love and your partner: Do say out loud the positive qualities of your partner sometimes and praise his/her love for you. Even though you know you love your partner, express it as frequently as you can. Praise appeals the other and makes him/ her realize their superficial mistakes too.
Couple the prayer: The supreme force gives movement and growth. Pray or meditate together for betterment in your life. This togetherness gets respect and blessings are showered by the supreme.
Practicing these steps one by one will help create oneness between you and your partner. Growth should never be stuck, not even in love also. And love in a relationship poses challenges from time to time, which helps in understanding each other too. Each time you are presented with a challenge in a relationship, you are really being presented with an ‘opportunity’ to look inside yourselves to see what about you; it is that needs working on, so that you may grow.