As a spiritual medium who has suffered a personal loss of someone whom I loved dearly, this subject has always been very close to my heart and I feel that with the work and understanding I now have with the world of spirit, I know that death is nothing to be feared it is the transition of our soul back to home, when we have taken from this human experience all that we have come here to learn. Once we have returned home we are closer to them than if they were still here in the physical. For many this experience of the connection to spirit is lost in the daily living of life and why so many come to someone like myself to make that connection with their loved one.
As spirit in a human body we have come to experience the many different lessons that life has for us, to challenge ourselves and to learn to encompass the spiritual as well as the human form of living. These experiences will be different for each and every one of us, rich, poor or moderately well off. We may suffer ill health, extreme luck,have a life filled with all that money can buy or life of poverty and homelessness and for the fortunate a life where work and living are a daily balancing act. For each one of us on this planet called earth we walk a different journey, but the one common denominator is that of loss, the loss of a relationship or marriage, loss of a home, a job, a sentimental item and of course the one experience of loss we all will have is that of the experience of “death” of a loved one!
“Fear can’t stop death but it can stop you from living a full life-remember to live in the moment and push fear aside as much as you can, Play is as important for adults as it is for children; take time to add play and joy into your life” - Elisabeth Kubler Ross
The dictionary defines death and loss as the following:
What is death? The end of the life of a person or organism: The destruction or permanent end of something http://www.oxforddictionaries.com
What is loss? The fact or process of losing something or someone: The feeling of grief after losing someone or something of value http://www.oxforddictionaries.com
When death or loss occurs in our life we go into a space of grief and mourning for our connection to the physical being or item has gone. When we lose a loved we lose that connection of being able to touch, hold, kiss, love and converse with that person (or pet). They are no longer there to laugh at our silly antics or jokes, to spat with us when we disagree over something, to hold our hand or hug us when we feel sad or low. All of these physical interactions are gone to us. So we go into bereavement a state of being where we lose ourselves in despair and anguish. Our chest feels hollow where are living beating heart should be and still is but it has become numb with pain. We begin to grieve and go into mourning.
For many this is a taboo subject and should not be talked about or even acknowledged, to face the realty of this loss is to hard to share even with another loved one around us. So our heart fills with pain and the physical body hurts and aches in so many different ways and places, we become a temple to our own grief, but instead of honouring that temple and acknowledging the grief we punish ourselves mentally, emotionally and physically. We seek comfort and solace in alcohol, food, drugs (prescriptive or non prescriptive), dangerous activities, we bury ourselves in silence or over activity, we close ourselves down to feeling and bury our pain or constantly weep.
In this period of time called the grieving process and the moment is immeasurable it has no date stamp other than the date it arrived, there is no expiration date for we are all unique individuals, what it does have a is time where eventually when we have worked through the stages of grief we come to a point in time where the pain is no longer anguish and we begin to live a life of joy again with happy and good memories and understanding that we are still here still living and that our loved ones who have passed home are with us and wanting us to be as happy as we can be.
So what is grief and how do we manage with our own grief?
Elisabeth Kubler Ross defined the 5 stages of grief and bereavement and these stages have since become a model by which many work by in the many different fields and therapies of working with death and dying. These stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
We deny that it has happened and every time we hear the front door open, footsteps or the phone ring we look up expecting to see our loved one there.
Every morning for those few seconds of joy we rise with a smile on our face believing them to be there, their smile in our minds eye, the scent of them in our nostrils as we breathe in, only to be hit by that crushing all encompassing pain that the reality is that they are no longer with us in the physical form.
Then as the pain intensifies we become angry and lash out in our pain, at ourself as we punish ourselves and at those we love and this anger can be volatile and passionate or silent and inward. Until! we become so spent in our anger we feel at a loss, numb, empty, a dark hole sits within us an empty void where our heart should be and we beg, plead, we bargain we wish it was us instead of them. “I’ll change I will do what ever you want me to, what ever I did wrong it will not happen again”, to have them back is all we desire even if it is just once to have them touch us, hold us be with us. Until we realise that all the bargaining in the world will not change the outcome and depression sets in, we lose ourselves within, we find an alternate reality to live in, to ease the emptiness and the pain that we feel.
Then one day quite without noticing it or even knowing how, we wake up and for a fleeting moment the day feels a little lighter, perhaps the sun is shining that little brighter and the pain is ever so slightly less. We are beginning to accept the reality of what is not what we wish it was, and we are still here living breathing interacting with those around us. Perhaps the time spent with the professionals who are helping us the friends and family who are supporting is beginning to help us heal. We are beginning to heal from within and we begin to see life a little differently than we were and we know that to honour those who have taken their transition home we can only live our life to the best we can be.
Grieving is a totally unique and individual process and should not be bound by any set of rules and we all grieve in different ways and at different times. We may experience all the 5 stages of grief in order or we may move through the different stages at different times or return to one having already been through it. We may heal and return to these stages many years later when another event or memory triggers this response.
From a spiritual perspective and as a Spiritual Medium who has experienced the deep loss of my husband, the father or our children at a very young age I understand the grieving process and how it was for me. Whilst I am not able to walk in your shoes I do know that these stages are real and to work with them and accept them as part of your process you will heal from your grief to a point of acceptance and understanding and begin to live your life again in a way that your loved one would want you to be happy and fulfilled in life.
Often the loss of a loved one takes you on a completely new journey in life and with the passing of my husband 21 years ago I can say this with truth and integrity. From my loss the healing began not just for his passing but for my own journey through life and the experiences I had had. It put me on my spiritual path and has brought me to where I am today with the understanding that there is no “death” simply a transition from the physical vessel which we no longer require to carry our soul back to the pure essence of energy that we are to return to the home of spirit. So whilst the physical body may no longer exist, for us to be able to connect with essence the soul spirit of who has returned home we can learn to develop our own connection with them. This becomes part of our personal development and spiritual growth where we learn to fine tune our intuition and higher guidance.
As part of this article I was guided to ask spirit the following questions and this was the guidance I received.
Are there varying levels of existence in the spirit world and if so do our family never meet?
Yes there are and with each level the energy of your soul heals and transitions to the next level, each soul arrives at the same place and will meet with other soul members of family, friends, colleagues, even a stranger who you met for a moment. For as each soul touches another on the earth plane they will meet again in spirit if they too have passed over. Your soul is an energy it is neither thought form or physical it is simply pure energy. Souls recognise each other as a knowing of pure and simple energy. When souls meet there acknowledgements of forgiveness and love and then when they are ready they will transition to the next level of their soul journey.
Recommended reading: On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kubler Ross M.D
© Susan James 2015