When was the last time you thought of yourself as ‘sexy’? When was the last time you saw yourself as someone who is desirable? Have you ever felt like the most alluring person in the room?
Hmm…I sense a tumble weed rolling by…
Statistics suggest that as little as 2% of women consider themselves sexy (Dove Beauty Survey). If that is correct, then some of you reading this think you’re about as sexy as a half-eaten tin of dog food! Maybe you are not Gisele or Johnny Depp or anyone from any James Bond movie, but I’ve got news for ya: times are changing. Sexy is no longer simply a checklist of physical attributes. What is ‘sexy’ is being recognized, more and more, as something that resonates from within. The way you feel about yourself, the way you carry yourself, the way you make eye contact with others, and the ‘vibe’ that you are giving off, are truly responsible for sexiness: the way that your face is arranged is simply not enough. Don’t believe me? Well consider this…
Have you ever met someone and thought that they were so attractive, but then as soon as they moved their body or began to speak, suddenly they didn’t seem very sexy? Yes we’ve all been that person. A bad hair day, feeling bloated, having received bad news, they all affect the vibe that we give off. This goes to show that your physical attractiveness is only somewhat responsible for what makes you sexy, the rest, is what you do with what you have. So if you want to feel sexier, for yourself, for your partner, or for others, you simply need to get familiar with your sexiest qualities and how to work them. I’m glad to offer you these ‘7 Ways…’ which will guide you towards your sexiest self.
1. Think yourself sexy by re-connecting with your body.
Do you hop in and out of the shower, get ready in a rush and dash out the door of a morning? Do you come home, throw on your onesie and clamber into bed? When was the last time you took the time to really look at your body and appreciate it? If you want to feel sexy, you need to make the time and take the time to be connected with your body. Not sure how to? Try this:
When you get out of the bath or the shower, take your time to gently dry yourself off and lie down on your bed on your back, in the nude (or in your underwear, but the naked-er the better!). Take a few deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Resist the urge to start running your inner-negative-yap about your body, as you are now choosing to make a shift into appreciation and love. Take a few more deep breaths and let go of judgment. When you feel nice and relaxed, gently lift your hands and place them on your forehead. Feel yourself connecting with your head, your hair and your mind. How does your hair and skin feel? Now, move your hands downwards over your face. Feel your eyelashes, nose, lips and cheeks. Take a moment to appreciate them. Now, move your hands downwards over your throat, neck and shoulders. Feel your breath making its way gently in and out of your body. Take a moment to appreciate your breath. Now, move your hands down over your breasts/chest. Without judgment, appreciate the feel of your skin, its warmth and texture. Repeat this all over your body, part by part, giving particular appreciation to the parts of yourself that you usually judge the most harshly. When you are done, all the way to your toes, give thanks in your mind for your unique and beautiful body.
How do you feel now? Remember that when you appreciate your body, you shine sexiness rather than being followed by an unsexy cloud of self-loathing!
2. Think yourself sexy by thinking about sex!
When you think about sex, your body reacts and automatically puts you in your most physically sexy state. Your pupils dilate, pheromones are released from your skin and your lips swell slightly. Your cheeks become blushed and your skin becomes sensitive…sounds like everything that us ladies try to achieve with make-up, right? Also, when you think about your favorite fantasy, a naughty piece of fiction that you found exciting, or sharing an intimate time with your partner, you align your mind and body with a sexual and sensual experience. Compare this to a mind filled with stress. If you are worrying about money, your job, the kids, your in-laws, your weight, your appearance etc. it is going to be much more difficult for you to ‘get into the mood’ when the appropriate time ‘comes’ (ahem!) - so to speak - because your mind is far away from where it needs to be: it is unprepared, and, as we are discovering, sexiness is in the mind more than anywhere else.
3. Think yourself sexy by making friends with your sexual self!
Take some time to think about the things you like about yourself. Take some time to remember compliments that you have been paid by others that made you feel good. Take some time to look at yourself in the mirror, and instead of picking on the parts that you don’t like, gaze at the parts that you do like. Deliberately focus on the beautiful curves of your body that you have so often overlooked. Look at your toned arms, your beautiful smile or your smooth skin. Choose a part of your body that you most like about yourself and treat it to something nice. Like your smile? Treat it to a new lipstick. Love your arms? Treat them to a new body moisturizer. Got a gorgeous behind? Get yourself some sexy new undies! By making friends with your sexual self, you will begin to feel more confident and more desirable simply because you are acknowledging the fact that there are sexy aspects of yourself…work it!
4. Think yourself sexy by focusing on the sensual.
Engaging your senses is a great way to put yourself in a sensual and sexual mood. To get started, answer the following questions:
• Which tastes are sensual to me?
• Which smells trigger feelings of sensuality?
• Which textures feel good against my skin?
• What sound could I hear that is a sensual sound to me?
• What looks beautiful, sensual and decadent to me?
The answers to these questions are your personal sensuality ‘triggers’. Incorporate them into the bedroom, the bathroom, the kitchen…
let your home be a sensual altar for you, and you will feel sensual within it.
5. Think yourself sexy by detoxing your bedroom.
Stress is the most effective sexy-buzz-kill ever! If you don’t want to get laid: get stressed. There are several ways that you can detox your bedroom and banning stress is by far the most important. These suggestions will make a difference:
• Don’t take work into your bedroom: nothing is less sexy than thinking about deadlines, boring tasks and getting grief from your boss. Even if you love your job, the bedroom is not the place for it.
• Don’t have a television in the bedroom: sorry folks but the goggle-box is distracting, depressing and hypnotizing all at once.
• Don’t take arguments, disagreements or anger into the bedroom, especially if it’s with the person who is supposed to be having sex with you (unless you’re planning to have make-up sex, if that’s on the menu then you’re not as mad as you think you are.).
• Switch your phone off when you go to bed. In the bedroom, there’s only thing that should be set to ‘vibrate’ and it’s not for pressing against your ear (unless you like that sort of thing!) so get the communication devices out of the room. Yes, that goes for your laptop and Xbox as well!
Ways 4 and 6 will also help. As discussed, having sensual things in your bedroom helps your mind to move away from a place of stress plus…
6. Think yourself sexy by cleaning. (Yes, you heard me correctly!)
A clean room equals a clean mind. If your bedroom is chaotic, filled with dust and clutter, animal hair and dirty dishes, it’s difficult to get into a sensual mood. By ritualistically cleaning your bedroom, you also empty your mind of clutter, leaving it nice and clean to get dirty! A clean room is the perfect set-up for the most sensual and sexual experience.
7. Think yourself sexy by believing and knowing that you are worth the effort.
Feeling sexy takes effort…but it’s worth it. You have to keep going with it and keep making it a part of your routine the same way that self-love is most effective with practice. Both are like exercise, you have to stick with it to see results! What could you do to regularly remind yourself that you are worth the effort to feel sexy? Could you choose to wear sexy lingerie instead of your old comfy grey undies? Could you treat yourself to a few hours of pampering? Can you make some time for exercise, thereby increasing your sexy hormones? When you do an activity that encourages sexiness, you begin a cycle that is much easier to sustain once you get going; say you take up a burlesque dance class: You turn up to class and dance with enthusiasm, this builds your confidence and you begin to see that you are worth the effort. In feeling that you are worth the effort, you will be more inclined to go back to your sexy dance class…which gives you even more self-confidence and the cycle continues. Sometimes, you just need to be willing to take the first step towards feeling sexy, and when you find your natural rhythm, the rest falls into place.
© Lauren Robertson 2013